Talking about sex doesn’t have to be awkward. A statement simpler said than done. As a society, we straddle very different schools of thought on sex talk. Some find sex a taboo topic, and others see it as quite natural to talk about openly. Even though changes in viewpoints continue to soften and blur since the sexual revolution of the 60s, we still see a schism in attitudes on discussing what we crave in our sexual endeavors.
Why We Fear Sex Talk
For some, it’s almost a running joke, the sex talk. We see anecdotal situations in books, movies, social media, and television, making the “talk” almost comical. For others, due to religious, ethnic, or family beliefs, talking about “the birds and the bees” is a complete and utter no-no. These red-faced perspectives on this natural biological function create detrimental fears and stigmas regarding how we talk about what we desire from intimacy. However, whether it’s about applying toys to your lovemaking, utilizing different sexual positions, or experiencing discomfort during intercourse, conversation about sex can be effortless if you possess the know-how.
The Road to Better Sex
The road to better sex is through patience, trust, trial, and error, but you have to be willing to talk about it. Open and honest communication is the foundation for a healthy relationship and a hotter sex life. To break down barriers and overcome anxiety about the topic of sex, try out the following tips:
It’s About Timing
Our reception to sex talk is different for everyone. Some of us feel more open to a suggestion of kink at other times. For instance, one person may feel a little too vulnerable during the heat of the moment while disrobed for heeding a new sexual suggestion. On the other hand, others may feel more receptive to trying something new during the throes of passion because they’re at the height of arousal. However, there are times when talking about sex isn’t optimal for anyone, like when they walk in the door after work, they’re hungry, tired, or otherwise stressed. The best time for an intimate talk is when neither of you is otherwise engaged in any attention-grabbing effort.
Use Compliments, Not Degradation
When it comes to intercourse, compliments make the difference between hot sex life and one that’s only satisfactory—just knowing that your partner finds your body pleasing leads to more enjoyable between-the-sheets action. There was also a direct correlation between how much a person values their body and their sexual satisfaction. It’s difficult to feel sexually confident and free when there is dissatisfaction with a self-image. If there are issues in the sack, one expert suggests a compliment sandwich. For example, you find it desirable how your partner loves foreplay; you want it to last longer, and you particularly enjoy it when they kiss your neck. However, don’t analyze your partner’s shortcomings mid-lovemaking. It can turn a constructive desire into a harsh criticism.
Don’t Be Afraid to Demonstrate
A positive and fun way of approaching your partner with your sexual desires is suggesting playing a game. For example, if you don’t like how your partner kisses you, show them your ideal kiss and ask them to offer you theirs as well. Then do some research together, trying different kinds of kissing until you find the ones that make both of you hot. If you want to venture into adding a vibrator, oils, handcuffs, or other sex toys to your lovemaking, don’t be afraid to go out and make the purchase. Or, maybe you want to try BDSM. Exploring marital sex aids together improves sex drive and strengthens your relationship inside and outside the bedroom.
Whether it’s mutual masturbation, nipple play, oral sex, anal sex, role-playing, dressing up, spanking, sex toy play from an excellent adult shop, or something along milder lines, the conversation is key to better lovemaking. If you’re still struggling to communicate your sexual needs with your partner, consider going to sex therapy to give you the building blocks to satisfying sex.