Couple therapy is first and foremost the need for skills learning, i.e. learning new tools, strategies and methods. If you want something DIFFERENT than what you have had until now, you will probably have to do something DIFFERENT than what you have done so far.
And it is either unknown or artificial and unnatural. If it had been easy, you would have done it a long time ago.
Eventually, the new behavior and the new attitudes must become good habits. These must “run on the backbone”, because if they are not firmly established, the old inappropriate habits will take over when life peaks – and then the entire first investment is wasted. The good habits and the new attitudes, while desirable, cannot become part of the old routine, or culture, or other people.
At this stage of life you already know your spouse and the family, and all of the other routines that the family has been accustomed to. You know who you are and what you like to do and how you like to do it. All of this is good for your own well being and your own enjoyment.
Now, if you are at the beginning of your marriage, you might be very interested in improving the support, and emotional connection you have with your spouse with couple therapy. This can be very helpful in getting your spouse on board with your decision, without them having to understand and accept it. It can also be helpful in strengthening your relationship. The biggest benefit of creating a safe space for this support, can be the ability to connect with your spouse, when you need to.
I often talk with women who tell me that they want to improve their ability to connect with their spouse with couple therapy (parterapi Frederiksberg). It is clear, to them, that their marriage is not going to turn around without them improving their ability to connect. So, they find ways to reconnect with their spouse, and to share with them things about their life that they want to improve. They find ways to strengthen their marriage by increasing the closeness and emotional connection they feel with their spouse.
Sometimes, they get some help from friends, and they find the connection they want. Other times, they need help to change behaviors that disconnect them from their spouse.
Some women tell me that they want to improve the emotional connection they have with their spouse by going back to traditional courtship patterns. Many of them tell me that they get the closeness they want by going back to the days when their spouses were chaste, and only kissed them once every 6 months or so. They tell me that this closeness is a major part of the reason that they and their spouses stay together.
In short, it’s clear, to me, that they have options, to them. And, there are ways to help them improve the closeness they want, and find the connection they need.
